When I lost you, I couldn't pin a time or place.
More like an old beaten up car, pieces kept falling off.
We came together, tightly, then sprung back.
The days became weeks and I held on tight.
Till I realized for the 100th time that day, you
have to live life to its fullest. You can't hide.
We all have a right to be loved as we wish to
be loved. I simply cant love at a distance all
the time.

I'd shake your hand but I will probably never see you.
You'll marry someone less colorful, succumbing
to missionary position and watching tv in bed.
It will seem like quite the life.

Warmth

Quiet moments drawing close
We pause and remember the
beauty of warmth,  from
hearth, campfire,

We give each other warmth
A hug is warm
A handshake
Bodies meeting bodies

Somewhere my warmth awaits
No longer heater blanketed
I stand out in the chill
Waiting for your warmth. Thank you.

I was laying in my bed, watching the sun go away, with sunburnt promises of tomorrow. The ravioli marched down through my intestines and with every stressful thought my heart pounded.

I am the queen of finishing nothing. The prince of self sabotage.

I had this guy and then I didn't. He would never come to visit, it was weird. We would text all day, then he would say that he had his kids, every single day, he would also not come over till 7 or 8. It is was weird. I am sure there is alot more to it.

Usually we text each other all day. I didn't hear anything from him today though I texted and emailed him.

He is a nice guy. Has been there for me in his own way. He never came to the hospital.

Trying to untangle himself from me. Yeah that must be it. Less and less, like how you wean yourself off anything.

Taking less and less till there lingers nothing.

I always thought I was a great Mother. Till I realized that my teenager has a list of stuff I did to harm him or whatever, he doesn't see the 80% that was good.

This is a time of reckoning and transition. 

Please God, show me the way.