I was laying in my bed, watching the sun go away, with sunburnt promises of tomorrow. The ravioli marched down through my intestines and with every stressful thought my heart pounded.

I am the queen of finishing nothing. The prince of self sabotage.

I had this guy and then I didn't. He would never come to visit, it was weird. We would text all day, then he would say that he had his kids, every single day, he would also not come over till 7 or 8. It is was weird. I am sure there is alot more to it.

Usually we text each other all day. I didn't hear anything from him today though I texted and emailed him.

He is a nice guy. Has been there for me in his own way. He never came to the hospital.

Trying to untangle himself from me. Yeah that must be it. Less and less, like how you wean yourself off anything.

Taking less and less till there lingers nothing.

I always thought I was a great Mother. Till I realized that my teenager has a list of stuff I did to harm him or whatever, he doesn't see the 80% that was good.

This is a time of reckoning and transition. 

Please God, show me the way.