Coke and naps.

I had a nap today, my night time sleep is interrupted and I wake up shivering in the early hours of the morning.

I am moving to an apartment for 3 weeks, then in a hotel for a month! I need to deep clean the house, pack everything up and move my stuff to a storage locker.

Thankfully, Aimee is coming over tomorrow. 4-5 friends coming over Wednesday.

I am completely overwhelmed and needy. I bought totes, have been blowing money, need to pay the electric bill, buy a storage locker, etc.

These are first world problems. Need to eat less, it helps deal with stress but I have no desire to gain weight.

I think I need to call comcast and get the cable turned on at the apartment. I also need to call DTE to get the electricity here turned off and I guess it wont be till August that I will have it in my name.

I love this house and will miss it. Its the prettiest house I've ever lived in. Going to take some getting used to, living in a smaller house. Onwards and upwards and give me energy to do what needs to be done.

Almonds and orange juice

That is what my day entails. All the while I am ignoring the big issues. Moving in a week and a half, needing to pack again, the 2nd time in 4 months, to go to a new place that isn't as child friendly as here. It isn't easy. My lot is not easy. I can't seem to bring myself to pack and clean. My daughter is over and out with her friend. I am missing my boyfriend. Its been a month since we were together. I asked him to help me move and received silence in response. If I can't count on him when I need him, then what is left to do?

I have to leave my house more often, being here reminds me of all my responsibilities. Heavy with anxiety and pins and needles and sleepiness.

But being too worked up to sleep during the day.

I noticed tiny scratches on my glasses. I worry too much. I have to keep telling myself 'This is your life, make it good.' For so long I just put my head down and marched forward, waiting for the day my star would shine.

Now I realize that I have to shine my own star and have faith someone will notice.

I was thinking about Rand today because Peter Gabriel's 'Solsbury Hill' was on. I want to stand outside his house playing that song in hopes of reminding him of how brilliant he is and that I
hold him the utmost respect.

He could of been a guru. Instead he married a woman with cancer and draws faces on his kids lunch paper bags. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

It seems so undoable to have to move in 14 days. I am starting to fill totes but still, dang, its overwhelming. I must march on though.

It has been a rough coupla months. Dealing with my own bad chemicals and trying to be the best Mom I can be. I feel the distance in my daughter. I am so tired of taking medicine. Each morning I have to ready myself for the pill onslaught. 3 pills for depression, one birth control, and a anti anxiety med. That said, Ive weaned myself off 2 meds in the past 6 months. Less IS more!

I have a typewriter on my arm and the word 'Write' below it. The word is in my own handwriting. I should look at it to get motivated. Writers write. It is that simple. Making my dream of writing a good book is within reach. Just need to get past all the emotional baggage that keeps me from it.