People who eat alot and constantly

In fancy restaurants while others are spending 14.99 at the grocery store, hoping just fucking hoping that it will be enough for her family to eat till Friday when the check comes.

I throw up and I throw up some more. Today in a public bathroom, in my car. In the privacy of my own hell/home.

I have to sleep because I can't stand my reality. I can't stand how shallow and indifferent people are. How people only care about what you can give them, how wanty people are, how most people are takers and will walk right over your broken body to get what they feel they have coming.

You don't know poor. So few have gone without. I can't even think about my childhood and having nothing new for school each Fall, it shames me to no end that we were poor. I remember my Mom leaving us in the car for hours while she stood in line to buy Coke syrup, the cheapest medicine they had. My brother peed his snowsuit, I lost my mind with fear. I zipped up his suit and I cut his chin. We froze a little that day.

I never want to be poor. I never want my kids to go without. I am feral in that respect. I don't mean fancy clothes, I mean clothes that fit. Shirts too short, pants out of fashion, trying to make buttons closed with safety pins. Walking in the snow with polyester pants. My snow boots falling apart, my small feet open to the elements.

No one intervened. No one cared. Jesus was nowhere, he wasn't carrying me, he was hitching a ride on my back. Suffer ye little children.

I read some where that poor people are kept poor because they freely share resources in their neighborhoods. If someone needs some food they give it. If someone needs to see a doctor they all go in and pay.

The rich will never know these kindnesses. The rich will eat and eat and then when their arteries get blocked they will hire some fancy cardiologist to make them better.

The only rich people I give a shit for are the ones who give their money away.

Fuck money.

My sister told me that love is priceless. Love has a price. Today it involves swallowing puke and continuing to read my daughter bedtime stories while trying not to feel too sorry for myself.