Teenage Ass Monkey

I try not to yell at him, he is selfish, self serving and a slacker. He wants a menial job so he can sit around and play the guitar and watch The Office re-runs.

This is not the child I bore. This is not the young man with purpose.

He has a friend over and they are screaming and jumping around, riling up the dogs who had surgery yesterday.

He cannot even clean out the cat box.

If I ask him about his homework he says he has 2 hours in school to do it. Or, if he wants to get out of something, he says he has lots of homework. Which really means talking on the phone to girls and playing on facebook or xbox or wii or whatever else he has, ps3.

There are many good things about my son. Currently however, I cannot stand to look at his face. He leaves all the hardwork up to us and slacks through life.

He has no sense of purpose. He cares for no one. He will sit there and watch us work.

If my dog tears out her stitches it will not be a good thing. Our vet is 20 minutes away and I will have to hold her and her guts and drive 100 mph.

Driving fast is no problem, the problem is that this is easily avoided.

I was in charge of my brother and sister, I had chores to do, I had a purpose, to get the hell out of my house.

He wouldn't even go with me to get the dogs, one of the dogs he claims is his. The dog is in its crate right now because she keeps hurting herself by jumping around.

The depression is back, my own personal canker sore. I sat in front of the windows in the livingroom and soaked up the sun. I took vitamins, iron included, I ate smoked trout, I need to workout tonight.

I hate my stomach, but probably not more then my arse. I don't know what happened to my body, my life.

I gotta stay steady, there is so much shit to do.

B. accidentally dyed all my clothes grey, even my favorite sundress that makes me look especially cute. He left the door open all day, so when we got back from the airport it was open. The screen door was shut. WTF.

A new shirt, you read the tags 'hand wash only' 'dip dye'. You separate that out.

He has nothing but 'Im sorry.'

I have nothing but, 'send me back to Texas or California, or to sleep, I can't cope here, the cold is everywhere, there is no pause from the relentless cold.'

More school starts Feb. 15th, I have a vacation of sorts to plan. Work, home, self.

I am grateful that my dogs got through surgery.
I am grateful that my daughter got through her day at school, even though her father dressed her in a sleeveless dress.
I am grateful that I am alive though I feel half dead.
I am grateful that I can take a bath with a lovely scented LUSH bath bomb.
I am grateful because I lived another day.
I am grateful that the youngsters we send packages to are living it up around the world. Making pyramids with their cheap beer cans. Being youngsters.
I am grateful that the loneliness was kept at bay for a few days.
I am grateful that Spring will be here and I will be outside in my sun hat and purple crocs gardening.
I am grateful that I don't have to live in Michigan forever.
I am grateful for friendships new and old.
I am grateful to God for all the good that is going to Haiti.