Words from a cold girl

1600 square foot is luxurious.
I live first world problems.
My feet hurt, I am getting a revision surgery so I can vomit.
My son is in Hell, MI. Its freezing there, so beware.
The headaches are still there.
Detox tea, peppermint tea, lemon.
Working out in spite of the upheaval.
My life can be picked up in two suitcases and a laptop bag.
Oh and a purse.
Signed Cats Cradle, photo albums, clothes, buddha and gargoyle statues.
I will leave my gardens for another gardener.
Start anew, because we gotta do what seems impossible.
But first, a trip to Beverly, Hills that is.
I am looking for my bathing suit and cursing my belly.
I am not sure which fruit I resemble but the bulk is stomach based.
Spanx and dresses will go with me, 900 spf, sunhat.


My family is non nuclear, I get paid to stay at home with my kids.
A little deal we made when we were so young. I make good money to be honest.
I have no complains except that I require more money. First world problems.
I forgave B. for his anger. I am learning to forgive. That said, my therapist
documented it for me.

We are all a little lost and some of us are alot broken.
I find the need to curl up with another feral animal and we can
lick our wounds. Share warmth and stories. Whispers. Darkness whispers.
I refuse to accept the mediocore. I am glad to have the surgery and lose
this weight. I see myself in mirrors and who I am - well they are two different things.
Such a tiny thing I was, now my hips are the hips of someone who has born children.
Its mostly genetics. The grandmother I am named after looked like a linebacker. She died on a train on her way home from Arizona.

So these are just some thoughts that gallop and trot around my head.

Body issues and how to raise a confident child. My child is fragile and I was always a fighter and loner.
She isn't cuddly like our son. How dare I compare the two. So different.

Universe, I see all these wonderful blessings in my life and I am grateful. My bedroom is warm even if the rest of the house is ice cold.

Soon my friend and I will be soaking up the rays of California. We must live each day with gratitude and love.

Note to self: Cortisone shots for knee and shoulder, schedule surgery for early March so I can spend my birthday healing up.
Note to self: Leave house to write. Too many distractions here.

Be good to myself. I know I can do more, I know there are places I fit. A life of service is what I ask for myself. Life to live, love to give.

Love.